I haven’t really been Rant Writing lately. So here goes one.
Raj is batshyt krazy at night time.
I keep censoring myself. But what is there to lose? I don’t think anything..
I’ve been feeling super anxious lately. Is it because I’m smoking (vaping, actually) more cannabis? Getting too high, too often? Perhaps it’s because my parents are currently in the middle of getting a divorce, and it’s SO awkward to be living at home with them for the time being. Maybe it’s because I still don’t have a steady income, and that’s uncomfortable. I am highly judgmental of myself for this.
Yet, without the distraction of a “real” job, I am able to get some “me” time quite often. I got in 61 meditations in December. Boo ya!
But lately, with my brother being home and my Mom doing winter break from teaching, my schedule is super out of whack. I’m sleeping in to 10-12 pretty much everyday. Ugh. Eww.
See? That judgement again.
Welcome to the mental stream of thoughts, attention, and swaying focus of the Mind on the other side of the cyber realm.
Today I wanted to create something so badly. Something real, tangible, physical. Something useful. I won’t write it down, secrets hehe But that doesn’t mean the idea won’t find you as well or instead of me.
Relationships are weird. Why do we do them? Why do we get confusing, strong feeling for someone when we know that anything “started” (which is…what, exactly?) now would not be a sustainable companionship? Mmm, but the magic. Something that IS beyond words. Something different, special, worldly, cosmic, mysterious. Taboo, perhaps?
Sending love and light to you, for that is the only reasonable act to take Now.
PS, my brother and I wanted to make a blanket fort for New Year’s. We ended up just using a GIANT parachute and basically turning our living room into a circus tent: