To Beg Like a Kid in a Candy Shop


To be the lover of he who should not be talked of
for others may break the flower pot
and let all beauty fall upon the cold concrete and carry the need to be thrown away.

How it bubbles inside the wanted lover to boil up and over for others to see, for him to see,
but sometimes one must keep a resolution from themselves until concluded
so the happiness is higher than how it would have been if it was planned.


Sinking into her worse enemy
She let the impulse control her once free mind.
Her visible exit is a mistake,
but it’s the only one she can find.

Regrets arrive before the attempt is complete;
She plays it off like it was no defeat.
She thinks that running away
will save the day
but really, she just was beat.

Within Seconds

Never again, will
I believe anything you say so easily
or hear you out for your explanation.
Real trust doesn’t need tears for a hug

Everything will have to be numbed down.
Happy now?

Underneath it all, who are you?
You are just a scared bastard.

Killing yourself slowly is not fine with me
Can’t handle that?
F*** you then.

Rudolph Douglas

Of all the places to be in the land
My arms is where I want to cradle you
Oh what I would give to just kiss your hand
Years of my life, I would give up a few

Sometimes I end my day with a deep coo
These sorrowful tears seem to everlast
Sunrise comes and I beam upon the dew
Here is the hint that our gap is so vast

Having you in sight; my heart, it beats fast
Your heart-stirring beauty is all I need
My love is stronger than any ship’s mast
So please hear me out on my closing plea:

Let us forever fly up and above
Into this impetuous thing called love


Ideas are tangled into plans
Crossing over the barrier from which they were blocked
So many promises, so many hopes
The question is whether or not it will break apart

Is it worth it?
Locking it together forever
or until one is fed up

Very indecisive
except about her wants
You will never understand the idea
Oh really?
until she has made a plan.

Party like Queens

You could say I’m dusting off my keyboard
but that wouldn’t be quite accurate.
I took a vacation to an aphotic site
and returned an illuminated aspirant.

Someone dropped a match
in just the right spot
For a flame to ignite

Here I sit,
with a purring cat in my lap
Never again will I quit
or let my love be trapped.

Bloody Trapped

Oh baby, how you bring fire to my hips
A hidden secret revealed?
Original major
Damn, son

Sense to sense
Not all makes it across
Some things are left only to experience

Thank you, Men

Thank you to all the Men out there:

Who have been the best of friends, brothers, and lovers.

Who make an exciting adventure buddy, a tender and receptive listener, a mentor into the DnD world.

Who silently serve those they love or have patiently showed me how to make the most beautiful dreamcatchers (plus so much more, yes you).

Some who I spoke to this morning, others in the past week, or month, or year. Some who I met once and never again. Some who drift to and fro like waves up a beach.

Thank you for showing up and providing the world with your gifts.

Surfing the Wavelengths of Consciousness


All I wanted to do was to fly across the canyon that was in front of me me. I knew I could make it; the gorge was only about as long as a yellow school bus. The small river flowing along the bottom of the valley didn’t hinder my confidence one bit.

It didn’t take long before I gave it my first try. I took a running start and thrust myself off the side of the canyon. I spread my arms wide to enlist the help of my turquoise fabric wings. I barely glided that far out before I floated right into water below me. It wasn’t a bad experience, though. Not cold or traumatic in any way, especially considering how many people were now gathered around up above to witness me fall.

Before I realized what happened, I was back up on top of the canyon again, ready to give it another shot.

“Attention! Everyone, attention! Down here!” announced a girl’s voice down the canyon’s path to my right. She was about to try flying across the canyon also! Before I knew it she was soaring so smoothly across my field of sight. Coming from the far right, she gracefully flew past me with a hang-glider, towards the left, eventually past what I could see. If she had gone straight across the canyon, she would have easily made it…multiple times. But, show-off as she was, the finale of her act led to a Splash!

“Awwwwwwwwwwww!” The sequence of events happened outside of my viewpoint, but I still knew that she didn’t make it across. Silly girl.

I got ready to give it another attempt. But the damn people! It was starting to get crowded at Flight Canyon, and I was having a hard time trying to find an opening on this cliff side to depart from that correlated with an opening on that side to land on.

I saw my mother. Strange, I don’t see her that often and I rarely see her supporting me these days. Luckily there was an opening near her…and one close-by to me too. I quickly lined myself up, took a running start, and leaped into the air once again!

It was only until I was about a quarter of the way across that I realized I forgot to open up my wings. Without panicking, I spread out my turquoise cloth once again, and focused on my destination: the cliff closest to my mom.

As difficult as soaring across a canyon could be, I didn’t feel any pressure whatsoever. I was only focused on my goal.

Closer and closer I approached; I only focused on the opening at the other cliff. Although I had “wings,” they weren’t the ones that could flap. They only gave me that extra pause in the air that I needed. Patience was key here, not endurance.

Within feet of the opposite cliff side, I realized that I wasn’t going to land on top of my target. New plan: grab on to the side of the cliff! Surprised by my lightness, I grasped onto the rock formation a lot easier than expected. I wasn’t slammed into the corner of the wall; it was like my own intentions delicately placed me there. Holding on to the cliff just feet away from my mother’s feet, I easily pulled myself up and stood next to her.

Destination: complete.


It was my turn to go. Why? Well, first of all, I already had the experience. This definitely would not have been the first time that I made a trip like this. Not only that, but I was ready to embrace the next events to happen. They seemed innate, even destined. My fishbowl-shaped hat was placed over my head completely; it feels so natural that I always forget I’m wearing an astronaut’s helmet. And…off I go! Instantly, I was surrounded on all sides by dark emptiness. I could see some sparkles off in the distance, but I wasn’t able to tell if they were stars, planets, galaxies, city lights, or something else.

I didn’t realize it at first, but everyone was so sex-crazed here. Inmates were constantly skinny-dipping or trying to find alone time. It wasn’t that easy though. Just because someone wanted to go fuck someone else on the backside of the patio, doesn’t mean that three more people won’t follow, in an attempt to join in. It’s difficult to recall clear recollections of this place.


Now, the unusual part begins to happen. Not only am I a character, but I am also the narrator. How could I be both? Either I should be the character with the knowledge of what is about to happen, or I should stick to objectively noting observations, without riding the emotional roller coaster.

The sex-demented part of this journey is a near a finish, next comes the great escape. I am planning to flee this strange resort-like prison. However, right before I initiate my getaway, I distinctly remember an encounter. I held a bunch of small stones and was looking through them carefully. I noticed a small shiva lingam stone, about the size that my roommate back in the other world has…who also was a character in this crazy realm. I passed her the stone back and found another shiva lingam a little bit larger than the first, and kept that one on me.

My awareness shifted almost instantly. ESCAPE ESCAPE!! I became primal, like a gazelle that just realized the sound it heard in the nearby bushes was from a cheetah about to sprint towards its dinner.

I had to move deliberately and even perfectly; I knew that I couldn’t make any mistakes in this transition.

I saw a male and female running in front of me towards a fence on the far side of the prison grounds. Although the fence was mostly made out of tall wooden pieces, a small chain-linked segment materialized in their path.

As I approached the fence, I could sense there were people chasing me down…and slowly catching up. I knew that I still had enough distance between us that I could make the climb over the escape route.

It was now or never. If I didn’t make this obstacle in the next two seconds, I was never going to escape out of this hellhole. It was more than a judicial prison; it was the physical exhibition of my darkest self, the aspects that I aggressively wanted to avoid.

I leaped off the ground from a few feet away to give myself the highest start on the fence. Luckily I did, because I had a harder time pulling myself up than I thought I would. As I flipped over onto the other side—

I saw the female successfully make the initial escape and her male companion get pulled away by the enemy. She got up and bolted through the backyard to the neighborhood awaiting her journey on the other side of the house.

I feel a strange deja vu, like I was once an astronaut taking off from here. It was as if I was experiencing two separate moments at the same time, instead of them happening linearly. I time-travelled and I was standing in the portal, half of me on one side, half on the other. Time is a fascinating phenomenon, or maybe it’s just an imaginary paradox…

The next streets all feel like a dream to me. I am running…running…running… away from the negative, self-destructive recognizable past, but towards an unfamiliar, but definite opportunity.


There is a girl running on the streets below me. She is alone in the neighborhood. The prison guards teamed up to make sure they had the male back at the chain-link fence checkmark. But they wouldn’t give up on the female. If anything, they wanted the female so desperately. They had to have her, but couldn’t yet.

The details to my past are foggy, but I know it’s worth leaving behind. Down one street, across the next, though another backyard and over the fence. I was running to freedom, whatever that looked like. This neighborhood was gloomy. The colors were barely perceptible, and it seemed like there was no life anywhere.

She was running dead smack in the middle of the road, past a fire station. I told her how Hawaiians are…

Are those my thoughts or someone else’s? Didn’t matter for long, because I saw what I didn’t realize what I was looking for: an opening. The street I was running down curved left in several houses, but there was also an empty lot straight ahead. It was the entrance to my exit…Only a park, a large grassy field with happy, playful people. I was too focused on escaping to actually see the smiles and watch the games, but I could just feel it. This was where I was supposed to be going towards.

I crossed the final turn of the street and ran across the grass. This park turned into an oasis, a giant meadow. I could see infinite grass to the left, a forest straight ahead, and rolling hills rippling to the sunshine to the right. I took off towards the grassy hills and ran…and ran…and ran…filled with warmth, sunlight, happiness, and freedom, I kept on going. I finally made it to my unknown opportunity. This is my escape.


The Imprecation of Phlegmaticness

Their nose isn’t elongating, so she needs to start worrying.
Thinking back and it totally hits me hard.
Has she been lying to people this entire time?
Goodness, I hope not.

There is only one person that you can’t hide secrets from…
But what if that person doesn’t care?
What now?

It must be the reason that the Chateau has burned down,
The reason that she can trust no one,
The reason that she is a hypocrite for saying “Behaviors of the being are put onto repeat.”

Let’s stop talking about this, for now, it might all just be a well-rehearsed façade.

Insights about life and all the layers within

%d bloggers like this: