Last weekend felt like a healing retreat. It catalyzed some deeper process that’s happening to me right now. Maybe this is the step from one phase of the lifecycle to another. Transitions sure feel like deaths. A part is dying, the part that was up to this point, “everything” to me. Does it hurt a snake or crustacean to shed its exterior? Does it hurt for a caterpillar to turn into organic soup before it re-forms back into a butterfly? This was briefly brought up in the lifecycle talk (I think). These psychological transformations we go through are complete paradigm shifts. “Molting” is changing, yes, but there isn’t any real change besides growing larger into whatever was there.
I feel like I’ve been molting quite often, mistaking that for true transformation. (For something to radically change forms?) Would it need its whole self for the true transformation process? All the pieces go into the pan and BAM, alchemy happens and something new pops out.
In the past and now still, I don’t accept all parts of myself. Even if they aren’t glamorized or accepted in our culture, Ecopsychology is helping me see that all pieces matter.
*This next series was actually an assignment that I submitted for a 1-credit Ecodepthpsychology class that I just took. Depth Psychology explores the subconscious. Ecodepthpsychology is the study of how humans can relate with Nature in such a way that exposes shadows and other aspects of the psyche. Basically, it was a badass weekend full of journaling, deep reflection, rhythm circles, sacred communication, being brave, and being vulnerable. The first parts will be journal entries on my overall experience. The later parts will be specific reflections on the East, South, West, and North aspects of my psyche.
General Impressions and the Rippling Into My Life So far
Tuesday, September 26th, 2017 11:22 AM
I’m sitting in the grass underneath the Shawn Skabelund installation art piece outside of the communication building. There is a twinkling sound up above me from the hanging miniature metal disks that dance in the wind.
I’m growing more and more annoyed by the sound of cars, trucks, and buses driving up and down Knoles Dr. right behind me. I remember back in the forest this most recent time, how much I slowed down my life. Living this way, my senses are truly able to perceive the most from my surroundings. There is a depth, an intimacy that comes with that. Here, I get flashes of that but I am more drawn to the sounds that distract from this intimacy. It feels a little stressful, or maybe I just take it too personally.
I don’t give myself enough of these spiritual retreats. What I’m alluding to here it the opportunity to do some soul work away from my “daily routine.” There is always a feeling of refreshment, returning, recalibrating back to a purer version of my self. It’s like it cleans the windows that my human consciousness looks out of. And dang! I didn’t know it was so dirty!
I just looked around the tree that is directly in front of me and I saw a dead crow in the grass.
In the past, I have learned about the meaning of the four directions. Well, not really. I listened when they were mentioned, but I had no understanding of what they meant. It was just a passing interesting fact. Learning about the map to the psyche was mind-blowing. I was provided a blueprint for another way to understand my experiences of life.