Is it time to CRTL+Q life?

“It’ll work out”

“Something will come your way”

“Now you can focus elsewhere”

“You’ll find something eventually”

They mean well, but it always feels so incredibly empty when someone tells me this.

It’s like a drop in the ocean compared to the amount of times I’ve been hearing:

“We regret to inform you…”

“Unfortunately, we decided to…”

“…”

I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I don’t know how I’m supposed to grow or where to put my energy to.

I’m trying so hard. I’m putting in consistent effort but I’ve had no luck.

It seems that God has forgotten to write a plan for me. Or maybe I’m at the bottom of the list. Or I just don’t deserve it.

I don’t really know what to do anymore.

I’ve started to internalize all the rejections that I’ve been getting and roadblocks I’ve been hitting. It’s getting to be really dark in my mind. Not that it wasn’t before lol

It doesn’t seem like there is any inherent point of living, of trying anymore.

I have to be around for my dog though. My cat doesn’t give a shit about me, except when her food bowl is less than 1/3 empty.

But besides that, “life is what you make of it” I guess. So people have deluded themselves into making up some BS meaning for being alive?

I’m struggling a lot. There isn’t a point to being alive, and it appears that I’m not a very valuable or worthy person either.

Why waste space and resources?

It’s unfortunate. Because I really feel like I do have a special reason for being on Earth, or something significant to share. But there is no outlet or anyone else to receive it. So I’m just kinda wasting away here…

Sincerely,

Still Fighting