Category Archives: Thoughts

Are we flat?

’tis that time again when I feel like a zombie…

One day I am moving forward with my goals,
the next I am stuck in my room
avoiding everything.

I oscillate through all types of states of consciousness and emotions. Why does everything always pretend like life is one simple baseline experience? No highs, no lows. Their facade is “medium.”

BULLSHIT.

Maybe other people will start opening up about their inner worlds when I continue being honest about mine.

 

Adulting and talking through conflict

Roommates. They are all CrAzY, right?? Or are you and I the crazy ones? lulz.

I’ve been realizing lately that roommates are the exact people that we can learn communication and conflict resolution with.

(This post might be a little jumpy until all my thoughts barf out.)

I am in a graduate program where all we talk about is how to make the world a better place.  Most of the time the discussions go towards dismantling the entire structures of capitalism, patriarchy, and privilege.

Super ambitious, amirite?

Image result for eye roll gif

It gets me thinking about change and how we want to be a positive influence in the world.

Where are the abundant opportunities for day-to-day change in the world?

OUR HOMES.

If we can’t have a talk about unequal chores around the house and modifying our behaviors accordingly, how can we really expect to influence entire structures in society?

Seems too boring and simple for anything dramatic…but your home is where you spend the most time. When you make changes in your day-to-day habits, that gives you a safe and comfy foundation for the rest your life outside of the home.

Talking with a roommate about how often dishes are getting done AND put away (vs. how much you want them done) isn’t necessarily directly connected Amazon deforestation (or whatever your large-scale global superhero mission is), but it’s working from the ground-up so that at least your home life is thriving and supportive when it is time to save the world 😉

 

 

 

Dislocated

Frozen…but not the kind from being too cold. It’s the type that comes from a new intimacy with Truth.

Truth came to my full attention this evening.

Truth came to replace its previous stand-in: distant, shallow stories.

Truth revealed itself through expressed bravery and exposure.

It’s easy to be nonchalantly composed when theory runs my life.

“Those problems are ‘over there…’ Is this even really happening? Is it that big of a deal?”

But then I find out and realize that YES. It is. These problems are simmering in people’s lives who I see weekly, more than my own family and dogs. And now, it’s boiled over for me to see…for me to feel.

When people share their vulnerability it allows us to step up and meet them—to fill that once-distant space between us.

There becomes a new layer of intimacy to explore: humanity.

For now, I’m still processing, digesting, and frozen.

…but what’s gonna happen when I melt?

I’m always shocked when…

…I see one of my friends light up a cigarette.

Especially when I experience them as strong, health-conscious women.

Maybe they reserve the cancer sticks (gag, too cheesey?) for alcohol-infused social gatherings…or maybe not.

Why?

Why do you smoke cigarettes?

Why do you ingest those levels of nasty ass chemicals when you also understand the traumas that Mother Earth goes through and connect that to the female body? Is this a gnarly blind spot for your very own ecofeminist outlook?

Do you realize that you are choosing the unfortunate fate for your very own fleshy space-traveling vehicle?

😦

Those conversations that leave you feeling…

elevated and better than before…they remind you of the magic that can weave thru reality.

They bring out your most optimistic, excited, highest state.

They make you feel buzzing, with ripples of shivers migrating across skin. Kundalini? Are you hanging out too?

Thank you.

Let’s keep on cultivating these interactions, and prune out of the rest to save energy for what really matters.

Where to escape in a city:

“It’s not a city, it’s the suburbs,” says my narrow-minded, ignorant family member.

When I️ can only make out the Big Dipper and Orion at night, when the streetlights keeping me up at night are brighter than the sun peaking over the morning horizon, when the buzz of traffic is constantly evident…I’m in a city.

It’s not your fault though…you don’t know what it’s like to live in a rustic cabin with no WiFi or to have to gather your own firewood and start a fire every night. You don’t know what the world looks like behind your 65-inch TV or your 4-inch iPhone and you certainly don’t know that “leisure” and “outdoors” can go together without an agenda.

The only other human at this artificial lake is a boy. Someone dropped him off just after I️ arrived so that he could fish. I️ think he is catching some, but I’m also hearing a handful jump out of the water in front of me.

Nature is refreshing, like a glass of ice-cold water for a red-hot angry mind.

Some people use the term “Nature Deficit Disorder” to unofficially describe the impacts of a lack of slow-paced quality outdoor time.

Irritability, fear, apathy, confusion, and anxiety make their way into my “normalness” when I️ skip the parks and forest hikes for mindless modern-day entertainment. It clouds around me like a swarm of stickiness. I️ think that it’s normal…but it’s not. At least, it shouldn’t be.

Sometimes it just takes a stop by the park to shift me back into a more satisfying way of being alive: patience, relaxation, and imagination.

Luckily I️ am just visiting this massive “suburb.” For getting an afternoon date with myself at the park here is like getting to eat a carrot or two after fasting all morning. I️ am malnourished being here, but luckily I️ know what I️ need to feel satiated.

Thank you, Men

Thank you to all the Men out there:

Who have been the best of friends, brothers, and lovers.

Who make an exciting adventure buddy, a tender and receptive listener, a mentor into the DnD world.

Who silently serve those they love or have patiently showed me how to make the most beautiful dreamcatchers (plus so much more, yes you).

Some who I spoke to this morning, others in the past week, or month, or year. Some who I met once and never again. Some who drift to and fro like waves up a beach.

Thank you for showing up and providing the world with your gifts.