Roommates. They are all CrAzY, right?? Or are you and I the crazy ones? lulz.
I’ve been realizing lately that roommates are the exact people that we can learn communication and conflict resolution with.
(This post might be a little jumpy until all my thoughts barf out.)
I am in a graduate program where all we talk about is how to make the world a better place. Most of the time the discussions go towards dismantling the entire structures of capitalism, patriarchy, and privilege.
Super ambitious, amirite?
It gets me thinking about change and how we want to be a positive influence in the world.
Where are the abundant opportunities for day-to-day change in the world?
OUR HOMES.
If we can’t have a talk about unequal chores around the house and modifying our behaviors accordingly, how can we really expect to influence entire structures in society?
Seems too boring and simple for anything dramatic…but your home is where you spend the most time. When you make changes in your day-to-day habits, that gives you a safe and comfy foundation for the rest your life outside of the home.
Talking with a roommate about how often dishes are getting done AND put away (vs. how much you want them done) isn’t necessarily directly connected Amazon deforestation (or whatever your large-scale global superhero mission is), but it’s working from the ground-up so that at least your home life is thriving and supportive when it is time to save the world 😉
I have a couple close friends going through major transitions now. They don’t know what their lives look like in the next few months. New jobs? New cities? New relationships? I’ve hugged them as they cried on my shoulder and expressed all their worries and struggles.
Sometimes, “I’m here for you” or “Let me know how I can help” is the best I can share with a friend when I don’t know what else to say.
But what does that mean to reach out and ACCEPT that offered help when shit hits the fan?
(Side note: “shit hitting the fan” had a recent physical manifestation in my life when my cat got a massive dingleberry and created streaks all over my bedroom carpet trying to get it off. Ewwie)
I’m at a good place now. I am healthy, I have cool jobs with increasing opportunities in the near future, and I’m in a kick ass loving relationship.
So, right now at least, it’s easy for me to clearly see what has helped me in the past work through hard times. This blog is a reminder to my future struggling self, and to my cherished friends.
Here is my personal approach to flowing with life again.
Meditate
Basically thoughts LOL
Just for a few minutes, let thoughts and worries explode.
They will anyway, won’t they? Haha! Thoughts are like the lava that comes out of Earth, or the nasty, pus-y, whatever that comes out of a pimple.
And you know what? Wearing makeup or putting a slab of concrete over that inevitability will make it worse.
Whatever needs to come out, WILL come out. Almost always in a more messy way.
Approach meditation as more of a courageous, patient process and not some crazy metaphysical unachievable miracle.
Watch the thoughts. And the next one. And the next one…
Witness the emotions that surge up within you.
You will probably get swept up in whatever is there… But, again, come back to witness consciousness…the state of the mind where YOU are able to watch and hear and maybe even see that annoying purge happening.
This, my friends, is transcendence.
Observe where it takes you 😉
Reflect
Now that you have a bit more clarity on how you are feeling, you can logically reflect on what’s going on in your life.
Start by:
Noticing how you felt or reacted to a thought
Do problems still seem daunting? Do some problems seem to lose their troubling significance?
Are next steps more clear?
Seek Help
Reach out to those people who have already told you they would help. Your partner, your teacher, your sibling, your mom, your son, etc.
I often talk to a friend, sometimes I vent to my brother, other times I reach out to my meditation teacher or my Reiki teacher.
Someone else is being compassionate and offering space to you. Use it while it’s there!
Integrate and Evolve
While in a government office building today, there was a sign that said:
Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.
I had an Argumentation and Debate teacher who used to tell us that we could never “lose” a debate because we would just end up learning more about ourselves and our beliefs or communication styles in the process.
There is obviously a similar theme in these two quotes…
So, you’ve been frustrated or pissed or confused or upset.
And maybe you then got some really good insights about yourself or your situation, either from contemplating by yourself or by seeking help with someone else.
What good would any of this chaos have been up until now if you can’t learn some lessons out of it? Crappy!
Integrating what we learned from school, a conversation, a yoga class, a Ted Talk, or anything really is what begins to turn that generic knowledge into personal wisdom. We are more connected to the lesson.
Hopefully, by now you realize that we don’t have to keep on wallowing or stay stagnant in your life. There are definitely ebbs and flows, but each of these tendencies allows us to evolve over time.
Life always has shitstains and buttheads and other frustrating things…
…but there are also infinite opportunities for deep personal growth when we work with life.
I haven’t really been Rant Writing lately. So here goes one.
Raj is batshyt krazy at night time.
I keep censoring myself. But what is there to lose? I don’t think anything..
I’ve been feeling super anxious lately. Is it because I’m smoking (vaping, actually) more cannabis? Getting too high, too often? Perhaps it’s because my parents are currently in the middle of getting a divorce, and it’s SO awkward to be living at home with them for the time being. Maybe it’s because I still don’t have a steady income, and that’s uncomfortable. I am highly judgmental of myself for this.
Yet, without the distraction of a “real” job, I am able to get some “me” time quite often. I got in 61 meditations in December. Boo ya!
But lately, with my brother being home and my Mom doing winter break from teaching, my schedule is super out of whack. I’m sleeping in to 10-12 pretty much everyday. Ugh. Eww.
See? That judgement again.
Welcome to the mental stream of thoughts, attention, and swaying focus of the Mind on the other side of the cyber realm.
Today I wanted to create something so badly. Something real, tangible, physical. Something useful. I won’t write it down, secrets hehe But that doesn’t mean the idea won’t find you as well or instead of me.
Relationships are weird. Why do we do them? Why do we get confusing, strong feeling for someone when we know that anything “started” (which is…what, exactly?) now would not be a sustainable companionship? Mmm, but the magic. Something that IS beyond words. Something different, special, worldly, cosmic, mysterious. Taboo, perhaps?
Sending love and light to you, for that is the only reasonable act to take Now.
PS, my brother and I wanted to make a blanket fort for New Year’s. We ended up just using a GIANT parachute and basically turning our living room into a circus tent:
A lot of times, I only share the “positive” pieces of a trip or experience:
I finished a Vedic Meditation course in Boulder.
I overcome a lot of emotional and mental challenges.
I am privileged to take a road trip across the Southwest from Northern California to Colorado…oh, the sights!
Pictures of beautiful people, places, and things
OMG my life is soooooooo wonderful.
But I rarely publicly share the challenging times to an adventure…
Just to name a few:
Driving 30 + hours just to get to my destination HURTS me a lot.
Physically, my spine is out of alignment, my eyes and face hurt from constantly focusing on the road, my shoulders and neck hurt from grabbing the steering wheel, my abdominal muscles are getting tight and knotted (that’s a thing?), and my hip flexors are outta whack from unevenly pumping on the gas, brake, and clutch.
Mentally, I feel utterly exhausted yet addicted to the driving. I have a hard time stopping when “…I’m just 2 hours away from the next city.”
It’s extremely cold to camp in Sierras in October. Especially without another human, a fluffy dog, and the legal ability to have a fire.
Airbnb is great in theory, but you never know what kind of person is going to become your temporary roommate. Even then, some places are next door to a nightclub, and others might be more smokey than a college campus on 420.
…and it’s expensive to spend $50+ a night for a hotel for a 1-2 week long road trip.
Needing to get four new tires. Two of them could have blown out under me at any time. Then learning that I might need to get my car an alignment service.
People can be mean and make me feel unsafe and gross.
This is a simple reminder that when I (or anyone) talks about an epic life and awesome adventures, it goes in both directions.
There are stories that I share with my journal and there are stories that I share with other people.
Though some things I will always keep within myself, I don’t want to portray a completely false representation of my life.
What ever happened to those hours I spent alone growing up, hanging out with myself?
Maybe I’d watch the neighbors drive past or planes migrate across the sky or find patterns in the wall texture.
My life was centered around imagination and wonder rather than mindless entertainment.
“The most important thing you own and can give away is your attention.”
—San Pedro / Aguacoya Shaman
You know, those ideas that you can’t quite put into words until you hear someone else says it? This was one of them. It resonated with me HARD…to the point of goosebumps truthbumps, a jawdrop, and staring off into the ethers for a little bit.
Being alive used to be an entire meditation, now I have to “make time” for it.
“You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes each day
—unless you are too busy.
Then you should sit for an hour”
—Zen Proverb
Even sillier, is thinking that it’s something that I have to “make time” to do.
Why am I thinking that meditation is a doable activity and not the seamless state of consciousness that it is?
What ever happened to those hours I spent alone growing up, hanging out with myself?
