How to NOT identify with emotions
A few weeks ago I did a refresher course with my meditation teacher. It was six hours long over two days and covered how to use a mantra, the mind/body connection, and the seven states of consciousness.
Since then, I’ve been experiencing a purge of negative affect such as:
- Suicidal ideation
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Self-Loathing
- Doubt
It’s very overwhelming, tbh.
I am shedding so many deep layers of stress and tension. They have been building up for a few years now. Since….grad school? Then Covid? Then 9 to 5 keyboard factory worker life?
My poor spirit has been depleted <3
Why do I feel worse after meditating instead of better?
In this meditation’s tradition, a benefit (or side effect) is that unstressing happens.
Unstressing is the experience of getting a surge of outdated but HEAVY thoughts and emotions leaving the mindbody.
This is essentially clearing away internal baggage that we don’t need anymore. Trouble arises when we attach to the thoughts and emotions that are on their way out and create a storyline out of them.
| Emotion | The Storyline |
|---|---|
| Anxiety | “I wonder if she hates me? Was I being a bitch? Does he know that I like like him? Do I even like like him?” |
| Depression | “I can’t do this anymore. Effort is not rewarded. I have no value in the world.” *Dueces* |
The emotion is simple. It naturally comes and then goes.
The storyline is what drags us back into emotion again. And again. And again.
I keep forgetting that I always have a choice in the moment.
What do I want more?
- Stay the same
- Allow myself to grow
If I stay the same, then I am choosing to continue to be in the same mindset (e.g. mental hell). I’ll wallow in my misery, resisting change, growth, and moving on from this outdated storyline.
If I allow myself to grow, then I’m choosing to let go of the emotion and move on.
This choice is a fork in the road!!
Reinforce the old vs. create the new.
How do I NOT identify with emotions?
I watch them come and then go.
(I don’t mean to be a smart ass.)
Why do I NOT identify with emotions?
Identifying with emotions = turning them into a storyline, then I’m not letting them go.
This fork in the road happens over and over again. I’ve probably had to choose to let go of emotions 40+ times today so far (that I’m even aware of).
I’m writing this down as a reflection for myself to explore. Maybe there’s something in it for you too.